Welcome to Ballywood chapter 8: “Hello, Eoin Mac Penis"
Love is in the air, and there's a trousersnake in BGB
My first thought when I wake up is, that fucking snake Brandin. My second thought is death, such is my hangover. It was four am by the time I got home from the cast party at Maguire’s. Aubrey must have gone ahead of me because it was just me herding out the dregs at the very end. After I overheard the director AJ Brandin taking credit for my Three Men and a Baby ghost revival for the film promotion I secured a very large glass of Pinot Greej from Mikey Maguire and resolved to stay as professional as I could. I suppose dancing on tables with the locations manager, Sadhbh and Majella is technically professional as long as the cast and crew are having a good time. Thankfully AJ left around one am, although not before some inappropriate dancing up against one of his assistants. Chris Paine was still going strong at two, singing Meatloaf shirtless into the karaoke microphone while Sadhbh and Don slow danced in front of him, gazing into each other’s eyes. Eoin and Aubrey were dancing too although he was being less intense about it, swinging her around and doing elaborate dips. I hope she doesn’t fall in love with him. There’s a picture of him and Stefanie Spielberg as his lock screen on his phone and she’s so stunning it looks AI generated.
John’s alarm goes off and I let out a guttural sound. I’m just grateful that it’s a Sunday and I don’t have to work today. My one day off in weeks. Some of the cast are filming indoor scenes in a studio in Wicklow but that has nothing to do with me. Poor Sadhbh is going with them though to take still shots. John rolls over and throws his arm across my stomach.
“How’s the head?”
I take his big warm hand and place it on my forehead.
“Will you drop me off at the vets so they can do the humane thing?”
He chuckles. “You were home late. I think I heard Aubrey crashing in around 3. She sounded like a herd of people. It must have been a big night when you came in singing Aerosmith.” He sits up in bed and I panic.
“Where are you going? I need you to mind me.”
“I have a training session with Eoin Mac Piaras.” John is training Eoin for an upcoming role while he’s here in BGB. The paparazzi are flat out trying to get a picture of his abs. Even one ab would satisfy them.
“I’ll be surprised if he’s able for it. It was him that put the Aerosmith in my head. He’s a divil for the karaoke.”
John leans over to kiss me, thinks better of it, and pushes his lips against my forehead instead. “I’m getting in the shower.”
The sound of the water splashing in the bathroom makes my thirst skyrocket. I’ve already gulped down the pint of water I brought to bed. I shakily sit up and wait for the room to stop spinning. I can’t see my dressing gown within reach so my flimsy shorts and vest will have to do. Aubrey is surely still asleep. I slope out towards the kitchen, praying that there’s a Fanta in the fridge. My prayers are answered and I hold the cold can to my head while I fill up the pint glass again. The spare bedroom door creaks open. She must be in bits too.
“Sorry I’m not wearing a bra,” I croak as I spin around and come face to face with every single one of Eoin Mac Piaras’s abs. He’s standing there in a pair of grey tracksuit bottoms and nothing else.
“Sure I’m not wearing one either.”
He rakes a hand through his hair so it’s sticking up like a haystack. He’s barefoot. It’s obvious he hasn’t just arrived to meet John for the gym.
“Eoin,” I stammer, trying to cover my chest with my arms. My knees feel weak. Actually weak. I’m not sure if it’s his incredibly sexy five o’clock shadow or the fright of seeing him emerging from Aubrey’s room. “I wasn’t expecting to see you!”