Welcome to Ballywood chapter 10: "You know what you have to do"
Is Baby Ais the new Britney?
Apologies for the lack of an audio version this week. It’s genuinely Emer’s cat’s fault. She would not stop howling during recording attempts. The glamour!
“There’s a GymJohn Instagram account. Oh my God, there’s a GymJohnPicsUnseen Instagram account. It’s got photos from your holidays in Malaga.”
It is genuinely frightening how fast things move on the internet. It’s barely twelve hours since the photos of John training with Eoin Mac Piaras made it onto DeuxMoi and now half the world is lusting after him. Majella is combing Instagram, reporting on every new fan account that’s set up. She’s trying to distract herself from her own stressful day. It’s Baby Aisling’s longest and most important scene. She’s the centre of the action. The titular three men in Three Men and a Baby (2025), played by Eoin, Don Shields and Chris Paine, have unwittingly gotten themselves caught up in a rural drug deal and the scenes involve them handing the baby over to the drug dealers, played by Nidge from Love/Hate and one of the lads from Kneecap. They’re then in a race against time to get the baby back. In the middle of it all, Emilia Coburn’s character turns up looking for her daughter.
Majella has already had several warnings about interfering with the lighting, the wardrobe, Baby Aisling’s facial expressions. She’s been relegated to their trailer but she’s too tense in there so she’s hanging out in the publicity Portacabin with me and Aubrey. At least the hoo-ha around John has taken away some of the attention around the “faked” photos of Aubrey and Eoin kissing. Stefanie Spielberg is here for one more day to keep the illusion of the fauxmance between her and Eoin going but they’ve barely seen each other, apart from the photo ops orchestrated by the Blind Turn marketing gurus. I can barely keep up with it all.
I’m supposed to be finalising details of an intimate profile The Guardian is doing with AJ Brandin and Emilia Coburn, which itself is a bit of nightmare what with Emilia hiding her pregnancy and AJ being a colossal shitehawk, as well as organising a hurling match between the cast and crew and a team of locals under the floodlights tonight. It’s basically Hollywood versus BGB with Sadhbh on hand to snap pictures. Word on the street is Chris Paine had O’Neills shave a couple of inches off