Maison Majella chapter 5: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cheating????
Pablo meeting up with an old flame is the last thing Maj needs
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: pablito99@gmail.com
Subject: warming drawer
Hey babe
This is the warming drawer I was talking about. What do you think? It goes under the oven. It’s meant to be for plates but Denise Kelly says it’s dead handy for when the kids keep coming down on a Saturday night and she wants to stop her chicken balls getting cold. We might as well go for it? Kennedy’s Kitchens said that they can squeeze it in but they want to finalise the design by Friday. They can’t do the fold-up ironing board in the drawer so that’s one thing off the list.
How’s your mam? Did she like the pictures of Baby Aisling in her little witch costume? Rocky actually crocheted her a pumpkin one but I think maybe the Alexa overheard me giving out to her the other day after getting into the Sudocrem because the witch costume just turned up in the post along with a book called You’re in Big Trouble. I’m bringing her trick-or-treating to Mammy and Daddy’s and Aisling and John’s later. Don’t worry, I’ll be eating all her sweets!
We’re missing you loads, Pab. It started raining on Monday and it hasn’t stopped since. The site is in absolute shite but the roof is finally finished so Daddy is delighted to be in out of it. My midterm break couldn’t have come at a better time. I did 27,000 steps in Floor World yesterday so the kitchen, boot room and Baby Aisling’s bathroom tiles are all ordered. I’ll bring you with me to look at gravel on FaceTime tomorrow.
Love, Maj
From: pablito99@gmail.com
To: madjella_m@gmail.com
Subject: Re: warming drawer
Mi amor
I admit it is a beautiful “warming drawer” but as I say again and again, our kitchen is complete. The money is no more. We have overspent on your “appliance garage” and “under-counter beverage centre”. I beg you stay away from social media!
My mother, she is very sick this week. But the pictures of the bambino cheer her up. I cannot believe how big she gets in one month! Oh how I long to touch those cheeks! Mama ask and ask again when is the baptism. It is her one wish, Majella. I think maybe we should call the priest. Tomorrow in Tenerife we will celebrate Día de los Muertos and I will take my Abuela Sofia to visit Abuelo Alejandro in the ground. Perhaps I will see Padre Iago and ask him about it? We could do it here in las islas Canarias.
Today our old friends the Acosta family make visit to the house. We take some sun in the garden and drink barraquito. Tulia says Baby Aisling, she look like her father. I feel so proud. I miss you, mi amor. And I look forward to the gravel call.
Pabsy
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
Subject: Cheating????
Mayday! Mayday!
Aisling,
It’s really happening this time. Pablo is cheating on me. He’s been seeing that hoor Tulia Acosta over in Tenerife. Looking after his sick mam, my EYE. I know you’re busy with the trip to Graham Norton’s vineyard but will you give me a call when you get this? I’m freaking out now.
Maj
From: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
To: madjella_m@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Cheating????
Take deep breaths. I can’t call you right now, I’m on a Zoom with Mandy and a very exciting potential new client. Which one is Tulia? Is that the one he’s sitting beside in his confirmation photos? With the bowl haircut and dress that looks like curtains? I’m sure he’s just catching up with old friends. Pablo would throw himself into the volcano for you and Baby Ais. You need to take your mind off it. Did you pick a cattle grid yet? There’s a great catalogue on the Mulcahy Feeds website. I’d nearly do an upgrade myself. Put on War of the Buttons for the class and have a browse.
Ais
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
Subject: Re: Re: Cheating????
No, Ais,
Tulia Acosta! That Canarian vixen he went out with when he was 22 who had that picture of them at Siam Park as her Facebook profile picture until four years ago? Remember we went through her Instagram one night in the smoking area of Maguire’s? She wore the blue suit to her sister’s wedding? Ah you remember her, she got highlights last summer and they didn’t suit her at all? Her work anniversary post on LinkedIn this year got 27 likes? She put a pair of Birkenstocks brand new with tags on Depop last week? Anyway, her. She’s reposting DIY fails on TikTok and I’m trying not to read into it.
Maj
Ps How dare you not tell me who the new client is. Is it Paul Mescal? His parents? I’ll die if it’s his parents. His mam has a very kind face.
Pps Pablo keeps bringing up the baptism. Kill me.
Ppss Am in flitters over the cattle grid. We’re already way over budget and everything is waterlogged and Pablo says I can’t have a warming drawer. I bet he’ll let Tulia have a warming drawer. Fuck it. I’m getting top of the range. I’m emailing him now and he can like it or lump it.
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: pablito99@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: warming drawer
Hello Pablo,
How nice that you were meeting with old friends. This Tulia, did you show her any pictures of me? I’m ordering a premium galvanised cattle grid with the minimal noise rubber inserts. I won’t have my garden trampled. If you care at all.
Your wife,
Majella
From: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
To: madjella_m@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cheating????
Don’t send him an angry email! You’ll regret it, and he’s up to his eyes over there I’m sure. I’m telling you, you have nothing to worry about. Well, apart from the baptism, maybe. You really need to tell him you’re not gone on the idea. His family are very religious. He isn’t really though, is he? And I mean, if you get a job in the new Educate Together Baby Ais will probably end up going there. She won’t even need to be baptised (although I think it’s against the law now to turn them away if they’re not, even though Carmel Hough told me that Ballygobbard National School “lost” her application and then Father Fenlon called around with a bottle of holy water to see if she wanted any jobs done).
Don’t start a fight with Pablo, not over email. Or at all. You need to be on the same team.
Ais
Ps it’s Cillian Murphy. He’s throwing a surprise birthday party for his wife but can’t go into a balloon shop without getting hounded for selfies so he’s called us in. You’d wonder why he doesn’t just order online but he’s the type to still have a Nokia 3310, isn’t he? I bet he doesn’t have Instagram. Even a secret one.
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cheating????
Too late Ais, I already sent it. I feel a bit sick now. I hate fighting with him. I think I’m feeling guilty about the baptism. I can’t do another year teaching creationism though and I really don’t want Baby Ais doing the first confession and the communion and all that just so she can have a bouncy castle. I’ll get her a permanent bouncy castle if she wants, I love her so much. And sure look at us, we went through all the church bits and we’re both still heathens, more or less. I know you like lighting a candle for your dad but at least he believed in God. I wouldn’t have got married in a church only Pablo’s family might not have come if we didn’t. But we’re grown-ups. If the baby wants to be a church gal when she’s older she totally can. But we’re not practicing Catholics and I don’t want to keep the church’s show on the road by just playing along. If Father Fenlon shows up to the mobile with holy water I’ll pretend it’s burning me. It probably would burn Baby Ais. She chewed the corner off my passport yesterday, the little shite.
Take a screenshot of Cillian if you can.
Maj
From: pablito99@gmail.com
To: madjella_m@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: warming drawer
Majella, I sense you are angry with me. Get your warm drawer if you want, my love. And if you want to keep the beasts out I will build a fortress for you, my queen.
I don’t have much time to write, mi amor. Tulia has offered to take mama to her hairdressers to cut her hair now that it is toppling out. Isn’t that a kindness? Then we will all go for a nice lunch. I will send you pictures. Please send me new pictures of my tiny princess. And tell me, has she stopped her daily 5pm screaming? I even miss her screams.
Pablo
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cheating????
Me again.
Tulia is taking his mother to the hairdressers and then they’re all going for lunch. Tell me again there’s nothing going on. I’m burning his clothes when I get home. Even his U2 T-shirts.
M
From: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
To: madjella_m@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cheating????
You’re not burning anything. And remember the terrible highlights from last summer? Poor Juana’s hair will probably be butchered and then that will be the end of Tulia.
I hear you about the baptism stuff. Me and John definitely won’t be getting married in a church, when the time comes. My mother doesn’t care and John’s mother says Tuam was the final straw for her. Maybe you can be our celebrant? Put the two years of speech and drama to good use. We haven’t set a date or anything though so don’t be getting excited. John is talking about going back to college to do a masters in sports performance. He’s looking at buying a little desk for himself for the cottage. He’s as cute.
A x
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: aisling@mandyblumenthal.com
Subject: FW: Tulia y Juana
Ais,
Crisis averted. Look at the picture of Tulia Pablo sent me on. She got her hair done too – she’s after going full mam. Short back and sides. She looks a bit like Barry Keoghan. Pablo is always touching my hair and calling me Rapunzel. If Tulia wanted to get her claws into him she’s made a balls of it now. Juana looks very cute with the pixie cut. She’s looking a bit gaunt though. The poor things. I’m going to make up with Pablo. We’re due to have a FaceTime about gravel but I’m going to get Baby Ais down for a nap and plait my hair and give him a little show and distract him from the baptism chat for now. Thanks for the words of wisdom, bird. And fair play to John!
Maj x
From: madjella_m@gmail.com
To: pablito99@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Tulia y Juana
Your mam looks lovely, Pablo. Make sure you’re minding her now, and give her a kiss from me. I was feeling a bit angry with you, but it’s because I was jealous of Tulia. I know she’s your ex-girlfriend Pablo, and you know what I’m like. I get territorial when Siobhan Leahy in Filan's smiles at you. It’s only because you’re so gorgeous and I’m convinced everyone wants you.
I can compromise on the warming drawer but I am going to get that cattle grid because it really is top of the range. It’ll do sheep too. And Una Hatton, with any luck.
I’m going to FaceTime you now shortly. Try to go somewhere private. I have some gravel that will knock your socks off.
Love you,
Maj
Ps Aisling did a Zoom with Cillian Murphy. I know Intermission frightened you but it’s very exciting. He’s a generational talent.
Coming next week: The curtains come down on Majella’s dream windows